By Krystal Patel
Given the title, I selected Absolutely Delicious: hope that it would share inspiring and happy takeaways on how to make the most of the prospect of dying, which technically is part of living.
Unfortunately, I found the book mostly unrelatable. To me, the book came across as a long version of an Instagram post. It felt mostly curated, exaggerated and filled with one mundane diary post after another—especially some of the poems.
Someone with a perfectly supportive, closely coordinated, wealthy family may relate to this book—one slice of the population. Today many people face issues such as lack of family support, decent job prospects, healthcare coverage and affordable housing that hinder the prospect of a “good death.” Faced with climate change and a tough economy, choices have changed with people refraining from having kids who may one day willingly serve as caretakers, and expensive hospice care can be prohibitive to the experience related in the book.
The author portrayed 3 approaches to death:
(1) her mother accepted hospice and died peacefully, dictating the book she wanted to write, drinking gin and tonics, and savoring buffets of chocolate while having 3 brain tumors,
(2) her aunt didn’t want to go without a fight and suffered through one painful medical procedure after another, and
(3) her father stopped eating and drinking in the spirit of wu wei (non-action) after he needed equipment for every activity of every day.
In all 3 cases, the individual dying didn’t have a choice to end their life with more dignity earlier in the process. They all suffered through difficult aspects of aging unnecessarily. Western medicine is great to a point, but it can extend life unnaturally, making it difficult to choose to end it without the stigmatization of suicide.
It is even more difficult to choose to die for someone who is young and facing issues such as, for example, chronic pain, mental health diagnoses, lack of support systems, war, and climate change. No one chooses to be born on Earth and currently there is no way to exit peacefully on one’s own terms. The book made me reflect on what a “good death” looks like for someone who is younger, but wants “out.” I agree with the author that youth is not a justification to pursue harsher medical strategies that are sometimes ineffective. MAID (medical aid in dying) is progress and it’s just a start.
I appreciated the author’s acknowledgement that despite disagreement, everyone should be respectful of other people’s choices surrounding death without trying to control them.
P.S. Next I’ll be reading That Good Night: Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour by Sunita Puri.